Correction dissertation anglais svp !

Bonjour,

Je suis en seconde, et je viens de terminer ma rédaction d'anglais. N'étant pas très forte dans cette matière, j'aimerai de l'aide pour la corriger, et que l'on m'explique mes fautes. Merci d'avance !

Le sujet : Doit- on fermer une usine familiale qui produit du fromage ?

PS : je ne trouve pas de titre pour cette rédaction

Should we allow the closure of this factory ? Here is a good question which required good toughts. There are several aspects that I will try to present you.

Close this factory may be a good thing fot the following reasons. Firstly,this factory pollute a lot,becauseit uses far too many energy. Indeed this environement is too old,and isn't up to standard. Secondly, isn't not a nice factory, isn't spoiling the landscape. Thirdy,this factory produice a lot of toxic gas,what stink,and can be dangerous for health. Finaly,produce this cheese, make noise,and it can disturb the persons who live near the factory.

However,it's may be a bad thing, because it's a family factory,so many people depend on it. In fact,if this factory goes bankrupt,a lot of people will be unemployed. As a result, this people will not able topay their bills,repay their mortgage and to bring up their kids,because it's the only factory of the village,and there fore the main source of job. Furthermore, the sale of cheeses produced by this factory brings back many money for the village, beacause tourists enjoy buying local products.

To conclude, I would say the owners should borrow money for renovate their family factory, to make a factory environmentaly friendly and boost the sales. It will allow to avoid that the employees go on strike and have to fire workers, and may be, shatter somebody's life.