Hors Sujet ou pas ?

Bonjour à tous.
Voilà, il ya quelques semaines j'ai fais un devoir d'anglais, et je viens de recevoir les résultats: 5/20
D'ordinaire je suis un très bon élève en anglais (j'ai été à NYC, San Francisco, Washington DC...). Et je ne comprends pas vraiment ma note.

On avait 2 sujets au choix, et j'ai choisi celui-ci.
"Do you believe that words can change things in life? Why? Why not? Give examples".

Voici ce que j'ai pondu:
"Words can on some occasions change the whole life of a person. It could ba connected to choices that we make in our everyday life. For example, if we choose to do scientific schooling, the life that we're going to make will be influenced by that. You could become a doctor, a physicist... You can hardly change such a big choice. Also, if we have to take decisionsduring our professional life we could influence the lives of several persons. For example, you could save thousands of lives or condemn thousands, if you are a doctorwho hadn't studyied very well. However, going to the theater, & see a movie like "elephant"* can totally change the vision of a person on a subject. This would completely change the habits of this person, and probably forever. And if you feel like one of the murderer , you might want to act like them, and cause the death of dozens of students.
On the other hand, life can also be predictable. the fact that we are linked to other people and inherit some of thier characteristics. This will influence & modify our life. For example, if you have that diabetees, or another disease, you or one of your brothers/sisters could have it too. That would completely transform your life, and your habits. Though, life is more and more predictable with the new researches that appears. For example, in the US, scientists have discover a new way to read the DNA. That can learn you that you may, or will develop a disease in the newt 10, 20 years. That will warn you, and make you do something against it. That way, you could live longer and in a different kind of way.
The fact is that life is made of choices that we have to make one day. Sometimes it's the good one, on other moments we don't. Robert Proust had once said "Suddently 2 paths came to me. I took the longer one, and that had made all the difference". He's trying to say that life is full of choices that transform our life forever, no matter what we are trying to do against it. Althought, with the developing research that is made, technics are found to go against the natural rule. That way cure to diseases can be made up, and change lives of hundreds of people, with a longer life."

Je voulais savoir ce qui n'allait pas:
- Le premier paragraphe est en fait sur les actions entreprises à partir de nos mots qui font nos décisions. Avec un petit passage sur le cinéma, qui nous transmet par les mots (et la vision) des idées, suggestions, pour notre conscience, et donc notre vie.
- Le second est le 'why not', avec les recherches de plus en plus performantes.
- Le troisième est une synthèse des 2 premiers.

Un ou deux avis pour me dire si je suis dans le vrai ou pas me suffirai. Merci à vous !

Merci d'avoir pris le temps de lire mon sujet. C'est assez important pour moi, ne vous dites pas 'c'est un accro aux notes,...' Je suis juste un peu frustré d'avoir eut 5 avec 400mots sur un truc potable selon moi (au moins 10, c'est le minimum). Alors que j'en ai vu d'autre avec un 15 pour 20 lignes ( )

A bientôt! En espérant avoir des réponses ^^
Ben

PS: Si vous avez besoin de traductions, n'hésitez pas!

*(cf. fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_(Gus_Van_Sant))

Je suis d'accord, j'étais pas trop inspiré ce jour là. Mais de la à mettre 5/20! 8-10/20 ok, mais 5!
(Je précise que je suis en section européenne).