Crrection d'une lettre en anglais
Dernière réponse : dans Etudes - Travail
Bonjour, je cherche un job pour cet été en Irlande. J'ai rempli une fiche de candidature auprès d'une agence et je dois y joindre une lettre de "motivation" (leurs consignes sont très vagues, a priori, il ne faut pas mettre de date etc...). Merci de corriger mes erreurs.
Dear Employer,
I have been riding since I am 7 years old, that's why I have a solid experience with horses. I got my first pony, a young one, at 11, then, a competition horse, thus I got my “galop 7” at the age of 14. After a year of show jumping, I lost my horse but I continued to go to show jumping with a young mare. However, I did not get along well with her. Moreover, the riding-centre's atmosphere was displeasing me and I ceased to go. Fortunately, we have ponies at home and I have a young mare too (I got her when she was 2). Due to my studies I cannot ride regularly, currently I am training a friend's horse in a livery that practises ethology.
At the riding-centre, I helped to muck out, to feed... I used to help children to prepare their ponies, to answer their questions, to give them advise, to assist the instructors... I have been led to clip and braid horses and I did a wild horse trim “training course” . I am also able to take the temperature, to clean a wound, to pressure dressing and to make intramuscular injections.
I am rather calm, reliable, motivated, easy-going, creative, I like working with children ... As I am in a scientific preparatory class I have learned to work hard and integrate information quickly.
I think speaking well English is necessary today and I am determined to improve mine. Besides, the more the job will pleased me, the more it will be easy to learn, thus I really wanted to work with horses and learning while enjoying myself. I am attracted by Ireland because of its culture, history, atmosphere and its relation with horses... I have played the celtic harp for several years when I was younger.
Yours faithfully
Dear Employer,
I have been riding since I am 7 years old, that's why I have a solid experience with horses. I got my first pony, a young one, at 11, then, a competition horse, thus I got my “galop 7” at the age of 14. After a year of show jumping, I lost my horse but I continued to go to show jumping with a young mare. However, I did not get along well with her. Moreover, the riding-centre's atmosphere was displeasing me and I ceased to go. Fortunately, we have ponies at home and I have a young mare too (I got her when she was 2). Due to my studies I cannot ride regularly, currently I am training a friend's horse in a livery that practises ethology.
At the riding-centre, I helped to muck out, to feed... I used to help children to prepare their ponies, to answer their questions, to give them advise, to assist the instructors... I have been led to clip and braid horses and I did a wild horse trim “training course” . I am also able to take the temperature, to clean a wound, to pressure dressing and to make intramuscular injections.
I am rather calm, reliable, motivated, easy-going, creative, I like working with children ... As I am in a scientific preparatory class I have learned to work hard and integrate information quickly.
I think speaking well English is necessary today and I am determined to improve mine. Besides, the more the job will pleased me, the more it will be easy to learn, thus I really wanted to work with horses and learning while enjoying myself. I am attracted by Ireland because of its culture, history, atmosphere and its relation with horses... I have played the celtic harp for several years when I was younger.
Yours faithfully
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Citation :
the more the job will pleased me, the more it will be easy to learn, ca serai compréhensible comme ca : ''the more pleasant is the job for me ,the easier I learn english ''.
ajoutes un ''S'' a ''advise ''
et on dit jamais à un administrateur ''Dear'' :S ! imagine un peu ca :: '' cher directeur '' !
alors ca serau ,'' Mr em .. ''
et ..
Citation :
Yours faithfully je préconise
I look forward for your acceptance !
pour le reste c'est parfait ,enfin pour moi
d'ailleurs sans dico j'arrive pas a écrire une lettre comme la tienne je ne sais meme pas pk je te corrige ! 
Merci bcp, en + la réponse est super rapide.
j'ai suivi tes conseils, j'ai mis " dear Sir or Madam" à la place de "dear employer" car moi-aussi, j'ai trouvé ça un peu bizarre, mais ci-joint les consignes:
‘Dear Employer’ letter / Experience and References
Please write a letter giving a detailed description of your experience with horses to date. It is important that you are as truthful and honest as you can be when supplying this information so that you are placed in a job that is appropriate to your experience and capabilities. (80-100 words if possible) starting
“Dear Employer/Family” explaining who you are and why you want this kind of a job…..the better the letter, the better the job offers…(you can attach also..)
Dear Employer…
encore merci
j'ai suivi tes conseils, j'ai mis " dear Sir or Madam" à la place de "dear employer" car moi-aussi, j'ai trouvé ça un peu bizarre, mais ci-joint les consignes:
‘Dear Employer’ letter / Experience and References
Please write a letter giving a detailed description of your experience with horses to date. It is important that you are as truthful and honest as you can be when supplying this information so that you are placed in a job that is appropriate to your experience and capabilities. (80-100 words if possible) starting
“Dear Employer/Family” explaining who you are and why you want this kind of a job…..the better the letter, the better the job offers…(you can attach also..)
Dear Employer…
encore merci
marine_44 a dit :
Bonjour, je cherche un job pour cet été en Irlande. J'ai rempli une fiche de candidature auprès d'une agence et je dois y joindre une lettre de "motivation" (leurs consignes sont très vagues, a priori, il ne faut pas mettre de date etc...). Merci de corriger mes erreurs.Dear Sir or Madam,
I have been riding since I am 7 years old, that's why I have a solid experience with horses. I got my first pony, a young one, at 11, then a competition horse, thus I got my “galop 7” at the age of 14. After a year of show jumping, I lost my horse but I continued to go to show jumping with a young mare. However, I did not get along well with her. Moreover, the riding-centre's atmosphere was displeasing me and I ceased to go. Fortunately, we have ponies at home and I have a young mare too (I got her when she was 2). Due to my studies I cannot ride regularly, currently I am training a friend's horse in a livery that practises ethology.
At the riding-centre, I helped to muck out, to feed... I used to help children to prepare their ponies, to answer their questions, to give them advise, to and assist the instructors. I have been led to clip and braid horses and I did a wild horse trim “training course” . I am also able to take the temperature, to clean a wound, to pressure dressing and to make intramuscular injections.
I am rather calm, reliable, motivated, easy-going, creative, I like working with children. As I am in a scientific preparatory class I have learned to work hard and integrate information quickly.
I think speaking well English is necessary today and I am determined to improve mine. Besides, the more the job will please me, the more it will be easy to learn, thus I really wanted to work with horses and learning while enjoying myself. I am attracted by Ireland because of its culture, history, atmosphere and its relation with horses... I have played the celtic harp for several years when I was younger.
Yours faithfully
Bon sur le plan de la langue, c'est bon.
Sur le plan du contenu, moins. Quelques petites regles:
- eviter les "..." et "etc" qui laissent penser a une forme d'indecision.
- ne pas raconter sa vie comme on le ferait a un ami: on veut dire qu'on a de l'experience, pas qu'on a eu son premier galop a 12 ans au lieu de 15 ... Met des formes plus direct: tu as monte differents types de chevaux, tu as des competences acquises et certifiees, point.
- eviter de trop en faire: ta derniere phrase est isolee, ne sert pas vraiment et fait tache. Tu peux toujours faire un petit paragraphe disant que tu t'interresse a la culture irlandaise, pourquoi et quels aspects. Mais sinon, retire la phrase, ca fait un peu "leche".
Ensuite, les formules de politesses:
- en debut de lettre, "Dear Sir" ou "Dear Madam" ou "Dear Sir or Madam" si tu ne sais pas a qui tu t'adresses. "Dear Employer" c'est moyen: la personne qui va lire la lettre ne sera peut etre pas employeur et puis ca ne se dit pas trop.
- a la fin: "Yours faithfully" = trop personnel, je met ca quand j'envoie une lettre a ma copine. Plus professionnel, on met "Sincerely" ou "Respectfully"
Sinon, l'anglais en lui meme est assez correct
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