Correction d'anglais
Forum Etudes / Travail : Correction d'anglais
I decided to talk to you about the internet. I have chosen this subject because most of us has only seen the positive appearance of the the Internet.
The internet was created around 1960. At the origin it was a project of the ministry for American defence (mal dit).
The Internet "phenomenon" don't stop to give off each day, it is an element that will be essential in the years to come.
On the one hand, I would like to talk about the positive aspect of the internet.
Internet is a tool that you can usein order to do many things and have access at some informations.
First, with the internet you can look for informations, make research about anything, read news or you can have access to classic books. This allows us to inform ourseleves.
Then, you can send e-mail, chat, take part in forums, find a job, you can also meet people. The internet allows to have open-minded (???) and promote the communication.
Also, the internet can be a hobby. Indeed, you can create your own home page, it allows you to create websites, publish on a blog, watch tv, you can download legal music, videos, pictures or games and it is possible to play at games alone or in teams. Thanks to the internet it is also possible to try the game before buying it.
Finally, one new thing since some years in the internet, it is possible to buy or sell objects and do shopping faster and easier than in malls because when you have to do shopping in malls you have to cover the business in all the directions (rien compris). There are always many people and you have to queue during a long time. We have the impression to waste our time.
The only negative point it is that you can't see the quality of the product or try clothing.
On the other hand, I would like to talk about the negative aspect of the internet.
Some people accord themselves by thinking that the internet can be a menace for each of us.
Nowadays, the internet can be dangerous; there are more and more cybercriminals.
It is easy to become a cybercrime victim, without realizing it.
That doesn't only happend to the others.
For example, you can be a cybercrime victim by buying some objects on a website who is bad secured because when you pay, the hacker can have your code of bank card or fake your identity to access to your bank account.
That can also occure when you chat on a website, at this moment a person can pretend that he is your friend or someone else and obtain personal information's like your address or your telephone number.
Nowadays, there are more and more victims of the internet and that touch more and more children.
That's why the parents have to be careful and keep an eye on what children do and the sites that they can access. It is clear that children can't see the danger.(mal dit)
To conclude, I want to say that the internet is a real progress for our society and that many of us use the internet each day. That is the reason why the internet continues to be spread in the whole word. (mal dit)
But, we must be conscious of the danger of the internet. That's why we must be careful when we use it.
Voila, bon je connais pas ton niveau, donc j'ai pas tout corrigé, pour que ça reste de toi.
Ca ressemble à de la redac de 1ere ou terminal ça 
En tout cas essaye de varier un peu tes formulation, tu répete "Internet" 50fois, ok c'est le sujet mais paraphrase un peu
Essaye aussi d'harmoniser la longueur de tes phrases. Par exemple, tu fais 3 phrase de 5 mots de suite, et ensuite tu fais une phrase de 5 ligne pratiquement impossible à lire.
Voila
A toute
