Correction anglais

Bonjour, j'ai un article de journal à rédiger en anglais et j'aimerai une petite correction parceque je pense que mes temps sont complètements ratés ^^

Merci d'avance !!

In the night, yesterday, a fire declared in a home located in the city of Romilly sur Seine after the curtain go on a candle, the parents poisoned by smoke could go out but their son would have died without intervention from Julian, a neighbour call by smoke.

It’s at 1am, that a fire declared in a home of Romilly sur Seine on the street Gabriel Peri. This house was at a young couple: Marie, 26 years old, Arnaud, 28 years old and their children Theo: 3 years old.
The parents were sleeping when a forgotten candle touches a curtain in the kitchen; when they woke up, they were already poisoned by smoke and they go out of home hardly.
When Julian, the neighbour, have see smoke, he go outside right away for help. When he was outside, Julian seen Marie and Arnaud and they said him than Theo was inside. He said:”When Marie and Arnaud said me this, I ran in their house without thinking. I didn’t know how this is inside”.
When Julian was inside, fire was stretching in the house. He found Theo front of the door, crying.
Julian remembers this moment:” The little boy wasn’t burn but he had breathed a lot of smoke and me too. So I’ve take him in my arms to go outside quickly.”
When they could go outside, the parents of Theo are so happy and thanks very much their neighbour without who their child would have died. They said:”We are so happy to have Theo with us and Julian is really a courageous person of whom we are very recognisant”
For Julian, he thinks his action is normal doesn’t want presents or other.

Now, the three victims are at hospital but they will be able to go out tomorrow.

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X_lOlly_pOp_X a écrit :

Bonjour, j'ai un article de journal à rédiger en anglais et j'aimerai une petite correction parceque je pense que mes temps sont complètements ratés ^^

Merci d'avance !!

In the night, yesterday, a fire declared in a home located in the city of Romilly sur Seine after the curtain go on a candle, the parents poisoned by smoke could go out but their son would have died without intervention from Julian, a neighbour call by smoke.

It’s at 1am, that a fire declared in a home of Romilly sur Seine on the street Gabriel Peri. This house was at a young couple: Marie, 26 years old, Arnaud, 28 years old and their children Theo: 3 years old.
The parents were sleeping when a forgotten candle touches a curtain in the kitchen; when they woke up, they were already poisoned by smoke and they go out of home hardly.
When Julian, the neighbour, have see smoke, he go outside right away for help. When he was outside, Julian seen Marie and Arnaud and they said him than Theo was inside. He said:”When Marie and Arnaud said me this, I ran in their house without thinking. I didn’t know how this is inside”.
When Julian was inside, fire was stretching in the house. He found Theo front of the door, crying.
Julian remembers this moment:” The little boy wasn’t burn but he had breathed a lot of smoke and me too. So I’ve take him in my arms to go outside quickly.”
When they could go outside, the parents of Theo are so happy and thanks very much their neighbour without who their child would have died. They said:”We are so happy to have Theo with us and Julian is really a courageous person of whom we are very recognisant”
For Julian, he thinks his action is normal doesn’t want presents or other.

Now, the three victims are at hospital but they will be able to go out tomorrow.

Premiere phrase:
- en anglais comme en francais, on dit "hier, dans la nuit" ou alors "dans la nuit d'hier" et non pas "dans la nuit, hier, ..."
- "declared" ne veut pas dire "s'est declare". Cherche plutot le terme "prendre feu"
- after the curtain go on a candle = erreur dans la concordance de temps
- petit point sur la ponctuation: apres "candle" je mettrais un point
- "but their son would have died" : techniquement c'est correct mais au lieu de dire "mais leur fils serait mort", ca serait plus joli de dire "et leur fils serait mort" ou faire une nouvelle phrase
- "without intervention": contrairement au francais on ne dit pas "sans intervention de" en anglais, par contre tu peux dire "sans l'intervention"
- "neighbour call by smoke" : mauvais choix de verbe, il a ete alerte, pas appelle. Et erreur de concordance de temps.

2eme phrase:
- encore le "declared"
- "was at a" : "etait" prend plus une signification de lieu dans ce contexte, utilise plutot le verbe "appartenir"
- "their children": "children" est la forme plurielle du mot "enfant"

3eme phrase:
- "touches a curtain" : erreur de concordance de temps. "les parent dormaient quand le rideau a touche", ce n'est pas "touches"
- " they go out of home hardly" : la part contre ca ne veut pas dire grand chose. Revoit la phrase.

4eme phrase:
- "When Julian, the neighbour, have see smoke": erreur de concordance de temps, ce n'est pas "have see"
- "he go outside": pareil, ce n'est pas "go"
- "Julian seen" : idem
- " said him than Theo": ce n'est pas le bon verbe et ce n'est pas "than"
- " Marie and Arnaud said me": pas "said"
- "how this is inside": traduction= "comment c'est dedans", mauvais choix de temps
- "He found Theo front of the door": comment dit on "devant la porte ? Il manque un petit mot

5eme phrase
- "and me too." : utilise plutot "so did I" plutot que "me too"
- "So I’ve take": mauvais temps

6eme phrase:
- "When they could go outside": traduction= quand ils ont pu sortir, tu veux plutot dire "quand ils sont sortis".
- " are so happy and thanks " :mauvais choix de tems. Ils etaient tres heureux et l'ont remercie
- "who": alors ca c'est un petit point de detail: utiliser "who" est correct mais on utilisera plutot la forme "whom" que tu as utilise correctement dans la phrase suivante
- "or other.": phrase incomplete. "or other" veut dire "ou autre" et implique une suite. Soit tu le retires, soit tu met un petit bout de phrase pour completer.

Bon courage

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