petite rédaction ...merci d'avance pour l'aide

salut
est-ce que vous pourriez me corriger les faute ou me donner des conseils, je dois rédiger la suite d'un dialogue ou le vampire raconte un moment de sa vie, il est le seul à parler, un journaliste l'enregistre :

" A long time ago, when I was a young boy I lived quietly in a small town. My father went at home's late in the night and each evening I was waiting him. A full moon night , I wasn't seeing my father but another man.First I saw a long slim shade with a finely tailored black coat? When I could to see him, I saw brilliants green eyes, like flames, his skin was smooth : he was that I am now. I couldn't moving but I'll never forget what he said : " I was like you and you'll be like me " I was so much scared than you're boy, maybe more. After that I didn't understand how he changed into bat and he went. I was surprising but mostly frightened and worried, I hadn't had cold so much before. I don't know how many time after, I felt a hand and then long and sharpened teeth. I was dissolving but I was hot. Some time after I understood he had drunk my blood. I never saw again that odd man. Next, each night for waiting my father I needed to go drink blood, more and more blood. One night, I hadn't seen anyone so I drank my mother's blood..."

Voilà
Merci
Si vous pouviez me signalerl es erreurs de formulation, de temps ou je sais ..ce qui va pas

"I couldn't MOVE"

"On a full moon night, I didn't see my father but a long slim shade. When the strange shade was near, I could see it was a man with a finely tailored black coat. Next, I saw brillants grenn eyes, like flames. His skin was smooth. He was like I am now !

le vampire décrit cet homme qu'il a vu enfant et dont il a pris l'apparence :" Il était comme je suis maintenant !"
c'est mieux ?
en tout cas merci beaucoup

j'ai reformulé ce qur tu ma dit mais j'ai demendé a mon frèr de regarder, je veux pas te déranger plus et en je dois partir en tout cas ça ma bien servi vraiment merci