Aide d'urgence en anglais svp
Forum Etudes / Travail : Aide d'urgence en anglais svp
Bonjours je susi une eleve de 1ere et j'ai un gros soucis en anglais j'ai écrit un texte mais j'aimerai bien que quelqu'un me le corrige si vous pouviez m'aider ce serait génial
merci bisou à tous
TEXTE :
If I could make a magnificent travel as this one I wouldn’t have hesitation. If had to choose a time and a space, I wouldn’t ask for the end of the world, I would just like to retourn the March 22nd 1980, when my grandfather went to the hospital for to leave the last breath of her life.
If we had given me 24 hours in these times, I would make all for saving him. I would come at 8 in the morning, in the hospital Henry Mondor in Creteil and I would be in front of his bed , for watching him to wake up sweetly but unfortunately for him I wouldn’t be than a unknown. He would wake up and I would take me maybe for a nurse. Then if I could speak to him about my life in 2007. But I wouldn’t have lot of time for saving him so I would take initiatives and I would see Mr Cachin, the best cardiologist of France , and I would give him the suitcase that I would have prepared before my departure. I would have given him and he would have listened, he would have applied all the necessary treatment to save him. Then if I could find again him in this large white waiting room and somebody told me that my grandfather will be in good health in 12 hours. That wouldn’t let me more than 4 hours with him. He would go out so happy as me. I would be proud to accompany it to his apartment, to sit in the living room and to look it, still to look him for to forget never his glance, to forget never the one who gave me the life because his blood in my veins. If I could bring back him with me so that he sees how all the children grew.
I would come off a journney after (ces) 24 hours of doggednesses, proudly by thinking that I saved him but if I had known that a fate never changes, I would be retourned a little earlier to live one day with him to laught.
I think that even if we left in past to change a history although we did, the result will always be the same.
Salut, c'est
-2eme ligne : " If I had to choose .... "
-3eme: " I just would like to return ... "
a+
J'oubliais :
4eme ligne: " went to the hospital for leaving the last ... "
merci c'est très gentil mais j'ai trouvé pleins d'autres fautes en relisant bien je vous envoie le nouveau texte:
If I could make a magnificent travel as this one I wouldn’t have hesitation. If I had to choose a time and a space, I wouldn’t ask for the end of the world, I would like to return the March 22nd 1980, when my grandfather went to the hospital for living the last breath of her life.
If I had 24 hours in these times, I would make all for saving him. I would come at 8 in the morning, in the hospital Henry Mondor in Creteil and I would be in front of his bed , for watching him to wake up sweetly but unfortunately for him I wouldn’t be than a unknown. He would wake up and he would take me maybe for a nurse. Then if I could speak to him I would tell him about my life in 2007. But I wouldn’t have lot of time for saving him so I would take initiatives and I would see Mr Cachin, the best cardiologist of France , and I would give him the suitcase that I would have prepared before my departure. I would have given him, he would have listened and he would have applied all the necessary treatment to save him. Then if I could find again him in this large white waiting room and somebody would tell me that my grandfather will be in good health in 12 hours. That wouldn’t let me more than 4 hours with him. He would go out so happy as me. I would be proud to accompany him to his apartment, to sit in the living room and to look him, still to look him for to forget never his glance, to forget never the one who gave me the life because his blood flew in my veins. If I could bring back him with me so that he sees how all the children grew.
I would come off a journey after (ces) 24 hours of relentlessnesses, proudly by thinking that I saved him but if I had known that a fate never changes, I would be returned a little earlier for living one day with him.
I think that even if we left in past to change a history although we did, the result will always be the same.
Re
-7eme : " for watching him wake up sweetly "
-21eme : " to sit in the living room and to still look at him to never forget his glance "
-22eme: " to never forget the one who gave me life "
ps: belle dissertation ! a+
1ère ligne : I would have no hesitation
3ème ligne: 22nd March 1980
4ème ligne: l'expression est incorrect ... utilise plutôt "die"...
5ème ligne: If I could travel back in time, I would make anything to save him. I would come at 8 in the morining...and I would be at his bedside to watch him wake up but unfortunately he wouldn't recognize me. He would probably think I am a nurse. Then I could speak to him and tell him about my life in 2007.... a lot of time to save him ... the best cardiologist in France... (de quelle valise tu parles y'a quoi dedans? précise...) ... that my grandfather will be fine (c'est plus facile)... He would go out as happy as me... I would like to bring him back with me so he could see how all these children have grown up.
I would come back proud after these 24 hours of relentlessness thinking that I saved him. But If I had known that we cannot change fate, I would have returned a little earlier so I could have spend one day with him before he dies.
si je comprends bien ta derniere phrase... : I think that even if we could go back in the past and change it, it will have no consequences on the present (ce qui d'ailleurs est totalement faux aux vues de la théorie du chaos mais bon soit...)
merci beaucoup pour tout.
Vous êtes super
encore grand merci
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