Rédaction d'anglais : correction svp !!

J'ai une rédaction à faire en anglais : sujet libre, je l'ai faites mais je pense qu'il y a des fautes bien que je me sois relu et je n'ai pas trouvé de fautes ou bien elles m'ont échapées !!
Si uen personne pouvait m'aider à la corriger et au passage me donner son avis, il serait le bienvenu !! Et si vous avez un titre un peu mieux

Voici la rédaction :


CRASH LANDING IN PARACHUTE



I was so terrified I took several weeks to forget this horrible moment. The day, I didn’t think to it. I went to school, I spoke with my friends, I played sport or computer. But at the nightfall, whent I went to bed, I thought to my nightmare. I closed my eyes and the story happen again in my head. The screenplay was always the same.


I was acustomed to return every saturday afternoon at the Villacoublay’s aerodrome. We got into the little plane with my professor and four of my friends. The sky was blue and there wasn’t any wind, the day was splendid and favourable to jump in parachute. Todays wasn’t a day like the others, since it was my first jump without guide. Once on board, our professor, Max, give us, as always, the instrcuctions and the last recommendations :
“Well, on form guys, have you checked your material ? Romain, are you OK for the great jump ?
_ A little distressed Max !
_ There’s no reason to worry, everything will go well”
The plane was gaining altitude and was moving to the place of jump.
Max, to slacken the atmoshpere, told us jokes but I didn’t listen, I was too concentrate on my future jump.
Max required of us to place ourselves, we put ourselves the ones behind the others. I was the second.
Max shout to my friend that he could go. He launched out in the airs.
It made me sign that it was my turn. I heard hardly the “go” and I was in the vacuum. It was a formidable feeling, I felt free, I flew like a bird. Then I actuated the opening of my parachute, but the mechanism did not function any more. Try has I may but it refused to open. My heart started to beat violently. I saw the ground approaching. I pull on the lever from my emergency parachute. It spreaded itself, I was saved. But suddenly, with the speed, the cloth tore. I was terrified, I felt impotent. I thought to my family, I didn’t want to die. But unfortunately, I crash on the ground, inanimate.
At the moment of the crash, I awoke in howling, perspiring and moist. I was fallen of my bed who was in mezzanine. I switched on the light to reassure myself but I wasn’t able to go back to sleep because I was afraid to make this painful nightmare again.
But a day, I asked to my parents if I could join a parachute club to throw it out of my head. Now, I’ve already jump six times.

"I was fallen of my bed who was in mezzanine" je croi c'est plutot "I was fallen of my bed which was a mezzanine"
"But unfortunately, I crash on the ground, inanimate." ce serait "I crashed on the ground"
je sais pas si y a d'autres fautes ou si je me sui gourré en corrigeant je suis en 3eme et pas très fort en anglais ... et je croi aussi c un peu tard pour la correction