correction de ma redaction

marie57

12 Novembre 2006 09:03:51

The author has many aims. He wants to see for the others peoples that the life in India is very miserable for 250 milion peoples. She will shaw that the problem comes not from Dalits but it is a national problem. The figure is driving mad. In India, it is innegality social.

She gives many examples in his articles. The first, she meet a man who is Mac and she said his right of common. She said that Mac created a cooperative. Dalits is good paid and when the cooperative is created, any Dalits were going into the field of the upper caste. But hight caste don't accept this idea and murderer ( ont lieu) That's why, Mac created false tribunals for entraining Dalits. It is a great succesful. All witness won her sentences.
(par tout cela) the author would said that Dalits mmust won good conditions if they wants. It existed many solutions.

Then , the author describe a woman who is son is death . Ans the Police will take a bribe but she refuse. She will fights for his son. The author will that man must take his rights and not have shame

il me faudrait une correction ! merci

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Angi_86

12 Novembre 2006 11:17:49

The author has got many aims. She wants people to see that life in India is very miserable for 250 million people. She (qui est she? si c'est l'auteur, le sujet de la 2ème phrase est she aussi) shows that the problem doesn't come from Dalits but that it is a national problem. The figure is going mad. In India there are many social inequalities.

She gives many examples in her articles. The first one is when she meets a man, Mac, and she says.... (pas compris). She says that Mac created a cooperative. Dalits are well paid and when the cooperative is created many Dalits went in the fields of the upper castes. But high castes didn't accept this idea and murders took place. That's why Max created false tribunals for entertaining Dalits. It's been a great success. <pas compris cette phrase ... All the witnesses won their sentence = tous les témoins gagnèrent leur jugement>
The author wants to say that Dalits could achieve a good condition if they wanted. It exists many solutions.
Then the autor describes a woman who's son is dead. The police tried to bribe her but she refused. She wants to fight for her son. The author wants that man to ... <pas compris>

Remarques :

1) 3eme personne du singulier à l'indicatif présent : She wantS : ça prend un s à la fin, c'est la seule forme distincitive au présent c'est pas dur a retenir tout de même !

2) Attention à la concordance des temps : tu fais une énorme soupe en passant du présent au passé et au futur, ça donne vraiment n'importe quoi !

3) Les auxiliaires 'must' 'will' 'can' 'may' 'would' se construisent + verbe à l'infinitif
ex : I would like = j'aimerais
I can have = je peux avoir

et non pas I would liked ou I can had

Utilise le participe uniquement quand tu as 'have' comme auxiliaire (qui marque le passé) !
I have been = j'ai été
I would have been = j'aurais été

4) Pour dire vouloir ce n'est pas "will" mais c'est le verbe "to want"
Will étant l'auxiliaire qui marque le futur

5) Attention aux articles possessifs

I my
you your
he/she his/her
we our
you your
they their

We took our time = On a pris notre temps
You take your coat = Tu prends ta veste
She gives many examples in her articles = Elle donne beaucoup d'exemples dans ses articles
....

5)She will fights : je comprends pas pourquoi tu mets un s a fights c'est totalement inutile (et faux!) puisque tu as mis l'auxiliaire qui marque le futur donc le verbe qui suit cet auxiliaire doit être a l'infinitif (voir remarque 3)

6) Construction d'une proposition avec le verbe "to want"
I want you to see = je veux que tu vois
She wants other people to see = Elle veut que les autres voient
- pas de préposition
- le sujet de notre subordonnée suit directement le verbe "to want"
- en anglais c'est une proposition infinitive qui se forme "to + verbe"

7) Attention à la cohérence de tes phrases et du texte en général, il faut quand même que ça veuille dire quelque chose et qu'on ne doive pas déchiffrer !

8) Je ne garantis pas à 100% le manque d'erreur dans ma correction

Courage!